Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
