So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sacagawea was the original milf.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
