she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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