He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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