Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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