I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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