physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
