im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Found your dick twin last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
