Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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