So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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