I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
