I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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