just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
