I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
