Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
