you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
