she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
