I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
