threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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