i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize