So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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