Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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