I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry about my life...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize