i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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