they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
