You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
