The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
