pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
