Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
