I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
