That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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