I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
