I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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