Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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