Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
