My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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