Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
