I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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