Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
