Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
