At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
