Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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