I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
