glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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