3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
