You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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