you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
