it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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