Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
