Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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