John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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