Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
