He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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