I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
