Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
