and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
