i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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