Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how drunk are you?
Several
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
