Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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