Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
