my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize