I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
