Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
