I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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