and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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