he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
