don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
