Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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