Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
where am i from again
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
