He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
50% drunk capacity currently
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
