I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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