is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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