also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
