bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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