The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
