FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
