Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This baby is an asshole
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
