did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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