you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
