i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
