Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
