hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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