he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
