You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
