Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
