Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
