How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think my tv is drunk
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
