Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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