Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
