So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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